Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Ninja in Aubergine House

I am going to check out ninja school. OK, Budo.

I'm pretty excited. And here is what Future Cabinet Member Uncy has to say about it:

Uncy: F$*&IN-A! Ninjas are sweet! And it's about goddamn time we had a ninja in the White^H^H^H^H^HAubergine House!

me: Hell yeah! I hadn't even thought of that! Maybe if I train really hard, I can go all stealth in the back door in November!

Uncy: Just totally flip-out and annihilate the other candidates?

me: Annihilate without their even knowing it! The guy who teaches here in Laramie has been doing so for 25 years. Class trains outside at LaBonte Park until it gets too cold in October- and too dark. I will send you the list of stuff in the schools.

me: It's actually Budo. The Bujinkan Dojo International is comprised of nine different schools: Togakure Ryu Ninjutsu, Gyokko Ryu Koshijutsu, Kukishinden Ryu Happo Hikenjutsu, Shinden Fudo Ryu Dakentaijutsu, Gyokushin Ryu Ninpo, Koto Ryu Koppojutsu, Gikan Ryu Koppojutsu, Takagi Yoshin Ryu Jutaijutsu, Kumogakure Ryu Ninpo.
Within these nine schools you can find eighteen traditional topics of study; they include: Taijutsu - unarmed fighting, Ninja Ken - ninja sword, Bojutsu - long and short stick fighting, Shurikenjutsu - throwing weapons, Yarijutsu - spear fighting, Naginatajutsu - halberd fighting, Kusari Gama - chain and sickle, Hensojutsu - disguises, Shinobi iri - stealth and infiltration, techniques, Sui ren - water training, Bo ryaku - strategy, Cho ho - espionage, Intonjutsu - escape and evasion, Tenmon - meteorology, Chimon - geography.

Uncy: METEOROLOGY! Damn, I mean, I knew ninjas were sweet and all, but I had no idea that THEY COULD CONTROL THE WEATHER!

me: I know it. And the GEOGRAPHY!Isn't that the same as controlling the world?

Uncy: Well, you'd obviously be able to make the Earth split open and swallow your enemies. I mean, DUH, right?

me: Like W?And Karl Rove?

Uncy: Yeah, though you've got to wonder if they wouldn't trigger the earth's gag reflex.

me: Well, it's like good ol' Dad says, when the Old Girl is ready to toss us all off, she'll just do it. Maybe the Bush Administration is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Uncy: Could be. Plus McCain and his goddamn off-shore drilling isn't going to help.

me: I just want to howl at the crazy self-righteously p*ssed-off feminist b*tches who wanted Hillary and are all boo-hoo now and going to vote for McCain instead so they can lose their right to abortion. Can we all acknowledge these women aren't related to Mr. Spock in any way, shape or form, especially in that they are ILLOGICAL? (And petty, too. YUCK!)

Uncy: Amen, sister. I voted for Hil-dog in the primary, but I never once, not for a single f*&$ing nanosecond, considered voting for McCain just because she wasn't the eventual nominee. For f*&$'s sake. Have these people actually read or heard anything that McCain has said?

me: I forgive you for your indescretion. What cabinet post is it you want, anyway?

Uncy: He called the Vietnamese "gooks" for god's sake.

me: Well, I use some pretty choice words for Bush and his crew of miserable, selfish cronies, too.

Uncy: Me too, but I use words that can apply to anybody, like "soulless greedhead," "drink-addled knownothing," "brainless ninny", "hope-eating bacterium," "world-killing virii" and the like. I'd never say something like, "He's a nouveau-riche white trash fratboy punk."

me: All good for getting the point across, but I gotta know what post you want, Cabinet Head?

Uncy: Because that would be unfair to white people, fratboys, the n-riche and punks. Damn right. That's a good one. How about Anti-jackassery Czar.

me: That could work. Depending on your tactics, we could co-label you CEO of Population Control.

Uncy: That's cool too. I'm prepared to talk publicly about practicing zero population growth. (Blogger notes: Uncy has a couple kids. They're cute. And smart.)

me: Someone's got to do it. I worry about all these Hollywood yoyos having kids. I don't mean adopting kids and bringing them into the American Fold even, where they can be corrupted by privilege. I mean, HAVING BABIES.

Uncy: Yes, babies are the new Hollywood status symbol, and as usual, they have the most influence on society's least-capable. Like a dozen of teen girls in Glouscester. They come to think that having a baby is 'neat' and a way to make sure that somebody loves you. A way to get lots of attention. Save us, Jeebus.

me: That's right. Babies and teacup pets. Where is that Jeebus guy, anyway?

Uncy: He's just waiting until his big "*I* TOLD YOU *SO!*" is going to have the most massive impact, and we'll all be totally embarrassed.

me: I'm embarrassed already. K, got to take a shower and get to that thing I am lucky to have: WORK.

Uncy: Hear ya. Gotta work myself.

me: Later then. Be Ready to make your acceptance speech- on the back porch.


(Now you know what you're in for if you vote for me. It could be an interesting and productive 4-8 years!)

Now for some real news: I was listening to Denver Progressive Talk Radio on the way home from my orthodontist appointment yesterday and heard Randi Rhodes talking with former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman, the Democrat who served his state for 26 years in a variety of elected roles and was imprisoned by the Republican Bush Administration. He suggested people visit This is serious business:

"Urge Congress to Find Rove in Contempt.
"Recently, the House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Karl Rove, demanding his testimony about his own role in the politicization of the Department of Justice and politically motivated prosecutions of Democratic leaders, including me.
"Karl Rove refused to even show up for the hearing, claiming that Congress has no power to compel senior White House officials to testify. That's outrageous. Yet again, Karl Rove has showed his callous disregard for the law and for Congress' constitutional role as a co-equal branch of government.
"It's time for Congress to act: Forward an email to your Member of Congress below, urging him or her to support a contempt resolution against Karl Rove. If Karl Rove won't respond to a legitimate Congressional subpoena, it's time to turn up the heat." (from the home page)

Is this nation built on a Constitution, or the whims of those we allow power?

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