Friday, August 29, 2008

Is Rabbit Brush Kicking My Immune System's Butt?

I can tell fall is coming because I woke up this morning and thought how early it must be, because it was still dark, and why won't the melatonin work all night... and it was 5:30. I couldn't sleep anymore, so I just got up. Here I sit at the table, listening to a crow caw and a dog bark somewhere in the neighborhood, while my snout runs like crazy, and a fever, too. I don't know if it's insane allergies, or if I am coming down with a cold. So, I guess it's just as well we are missing a trip to Yellowstone to hang out with mi hermano y mi cunada this long Labor Day weekend, although the reason for not going is a sad one: HamCat is very sick.

So, anyway, the FFM recently claimed that I am angry in my blog entries. I disagreed, just to be difficult, I suppose, but there is of course truth to the statement. I mostly harp about politics, and I forgo humor sometimes for outright sarcasm. And when I'm feeling crappy physically, like I have been the past several days, I just get all the madder. Yesterday, for instance, I wanted to punch Vladimir Putin in the gut, really hard, and say, "Shut up and take care of your own bad business, you sniveling spoiled rotten baby." (Although I do not agree with most of the world that we should not recognize Abkhazia and South Ossetia as independent states. They've been considered so, de facto, since the early 90s, and I am a fan of breaking away from something you don't like. Right?) Anyway, I just wanted to punch that man. Or grab him by the collars and pull his beady-eyed little face up close to mine and yell at him, like a frustrated parent yells at a selfishly whining kid. (I don't mean a kid with a real problem, like constipation.)

So, then last night the FFM and I came home from The Queen's house, where we had watched Obama's Historic Speech with her, Stevil, Kelli, Sandi and Mats and Cynthia, and we were talking about the speech, and I was glad that Obama did at least say, "These are the policies I will pursue," at the end of his long list of admirable but questionably feasible goals, but I'd wished he'd said, "But I need you, the American public, to help. I can't do this alone. I need you to go out and vote for Senators and Representatives who will support these policy initiatives and will help me make them real." Or something equally realistic and at the same time inclusive of the people. (VOTE FOR ME.) Because let's face it: The President of the USA cannot just walk into the White House, or Aubergine House, and do it alone, make whatever he sees fit happen. Well, unless he is the Bush Administration, and that's what got me going down the next road. (Plus, the peeps will hold Obama solely accountable when things don't happen that he mentions will under his watch, despite the illogical nature of the thought process leading to that laying of blame.)

As we discussed the subject, the knowledge of the American people about How Our Government Functions came up. I wondered if people get the cursory lessons in civics in 9th grade and then go on to forget them by the time they are 25. I don't know. I wouldn't know. My public school teaching certifications expired a few years ago when I decided to pursue a different path for a while and went back to school myself, and despite that I was at the same time teaching History and Political Science classes at the college level, because my paperwork lapsed, I am no longer qualified to teach in Our Public Schools. Yes, folks, it's true; that paper means everything. If you can't shove a piece of paper signed by someone who doesn't even know you and for which you paid half a week's salary (assuming you are employed at all) into the faces of those who would hire you, then it doesn't matter what you know or what you have done in the past several years. You cannot speak for yourself, you cannot prove yourself. You can try, but you must have that piece of paper from that faceless bureaucrat who knows- because he or she wields the pen- whether or not you can teach our children.

But, back to the subject. I'm just so dang grumpy! But here is what gets my goat, that I brought up last night as we were talking about who watches over us in what ways, including computers ticking away in the depths of government buildings on tax dollars, searching for just the right words in citizens' e-mails, to send a Suit to our doors. Now, I'm not being a paranoid conspiracy theorist here (though if I really jazz it up, perhaps I will get my time on Coast to Coast AM.) Karl Rove was able to skip out on a subpoena while an old political rival was tossed into maximum security prison on the Bush Administration's whim for months. And he hadn't committed a crime. OK, are you paying attention now? Do you like how our liberties have been squandered over the past eight years?

I don't complain much about where I live, and in fact have been found reminding those who do carp that we have much more freedom to speak and do as we please in this country than others. But I told the FFM last night that after I posted a conversation here on my blog between myself and Uncy, that pointed out quite properly some thoughts and feelings I have about some current relevant topics, that I went back in and edited my post, lest someone somewhere try to shut me down because I said something like "I want to annihilate those bitches who are all mad that Hillary isn't going to be President this time so are going to completely shoot themselves in the feet- and reproductive organs and pocketbooks and so on- by voting for McCain instead." Because I was afraid of offending someone so that I would be shut down so that I wouldn't be allowed to speak online anymore, I edited that post.

Well, this morning I'm here to say it's not just that I am feeling under the weather and so really bitchy myself, but that I made a mistake. I shouldn't have edited that post. People should be able to say what they feel and think, and not have to worry about someone suing them because they feel threatened by the term "annihilate," which is used figuratively, by the way, in case you just don't get it. So, yeah, I still want to punch Putin (and I mean the guy in Russia, not the people who own the coffee shop and hold Laramie's coffee drinking, people-watching, socializing public hostage on so many occasions with their insanely high prices) in the gut, hard. Or grab his collar and pull his sniveling little face up close to mine and yell at him. Does that mean I will do these things? That I am a threat to Mr. Putin, or to our current President, whose knees I have wanted to clock with a baseball bat for several years now, just so he can know what it is like to feel a little pain? No, of course not, sillies.

But, if I don't come back within a few days, you might want to check the nearest women's prison.

Oh, yeah, and now a shameless plug for my favorite orange juice, which tasted so cold and fresh and pulpy and just plain healthy as it slipped down my parched throat yesterday: Tropicana Pure Premium. (The photo? That's my very own carton, in the brand new fridge in my apartment. Look at that, how shiny, white and clean. Pretty sweet, huh?)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Ninja in Aubergine House

I am going to check out ninja school. OK, Budo.

I'm pretty excited. And here is what Future Cabinet Member Uncy has to say about it:

Uncy: F$*&IN-A! Ninjas are sweet! And it's about goddamn time we had a ninja in the White^H^H^H^H^HAubergine House!

me: Hell yeah! I hadn't even thought of that! Maybe if I train really hard, I can go all stealth in the back door in November!

Uncy: Just totally flip-out and annihilate the other candidates?

me: Annihilate without their even knowing it! The guy who teaches here in Laramie has been doing so for 25 years. Class trains outside at LaBonte Park until it gets too cold in October- and too dark. I will send you the list of stuff in the schools.

me: It's actually Budo. The Bujinkan Dojo International is comprised of nine different schools: Togakure Ryu Ninjutsu, Gyokko Ryu Koshijutsu, Kukishinden Ryu Happo Hikenjutsu, Shinden Fudo Ryu Dakentaijutsu, Gyokushin Ryu Ninpo, Koto Ryu Koppojutsu, Gikan Ryu Koppojutsu, Takagi Yoshin Ryu Jutaijutsu, Kumogakure Ryu Ninpo.
Within these nine schools you can find eighteen traditional topics of study; they include: Taijutsu - unarmed fighting, Ninja Ken - ninja sword, Bojutsu - long and short stick fighting, Shurikenjutsu - throwing weapons, Yarijutsu - spear fighting, Naginatajutsu - halberd fighting, Kusari Gama - chain and sickle, Hensojutsu - disguises, Shinobi iri - stealth and infiltration, techniques, Sui ren - water training, Bo ryaku - strategy, Cho ho - espionage, Intonjutsu - escape and evasion, Tenmon - meteorology, Chimon - geography.

Uncy: METEOROLOGY! Damn, I mean, I knew ninjas were sweet and all, but I had no idea that THEY COULD CONTROL THE WEATHER!

me: I know it. And the GEOGRAPHY!Isn't that the same as controlling the world?

Uncy: Well, you'd obviously be able to make the Earth split open and swallow your enemies. I mean, DUH, right?

me: Like W?And Karl Rove?

Uncy: Yeah, though you've got to wonder if they wouldn't trigger the earth's gag reflex.

me: Well, it's like good ol' Dad says, when the Old Girl is ready to toss us all off, she'll just do it. Maybe the Bush Administration is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Uncy: Could be. Plus McCain and his goddamn off-shore drilling isn't going to help.

me: I just want to howl at the crazy self-righteously p*ssed-off feminist b*tches who wanted Hillary and are all boo-hoo now and going to vote for McCain instead so they can lose their right to abortion. Can we all acknowledge these women aren't related to Mr. Spock in any way, shape or form, especially in that they are ILLOGICAL? (And petty, too. YUCK!)

Uncy: Amen, sister. I voted for Hil-dog in the primary, but I never once, not for a single f*&$ing nanosecond, considered voting for McCain just because she wasn't the eventual nominee. For f*&$'s sake. Have these people actually read or heard anything that McCain has said?

me: I forgive you for your indescretion. What cabinet post is it you want, anyway?

Uncy: He called the Vietnamese "gooks" for god's sake.

me: Well, I use some pretty choice words for Bush and his crew of miserable, selfish cronies, too.

Uncy: Me too, but I use words that can apply to anybody, like "soulless greedhead," "drink-addled knownothing," "brainless ninny", "hope-eating bacterium," "world-killing virii" and the like. I'd never say something like, "He's a nouveau-riche white trash fratboy punk."

me: All good for getting the point across, but I gotta know what post you want, Cabinet Head?

Uncy: Because that would be unfair to white people, fratboys, the n-riche and punks. Damn right. That's a good one. How about Anti-jackassery Czar.

me: That could work. Depending on your tactics, we could co-label you CEO of Population Control.

Uncy: That's cool too. I'm prepared to talk publicly about practicing zero population growth. (Blogger notes: Uncy has a couple kids. They're cute. And smart.)

me: Someone's got to do it. I worry about all these Hollywood yoyos having kids. I don't mean adopting kids and bringing them into the American Fold even, where they can be corrupted by privilege. I mean, HAVING BABIES.

Uncy: Yes, babies are the new Hollywood status symbol, and as usual, they have the most influence on society's least-capable. Like a dozen of teen girls in Glouscester. They come to think that having a baby is 'neat' and a way to make sure that somebody loves you. A way to get lots of attention. Save us, Jeebus.

me: That's right. Babies and teacup pets. Where is that Jeebus guy, anyway?

Uncy: He's just waiting until his big "*I* TOLD YOU *SO!*" is going to have the most massive impact, and we'll all be totally embarrassed.

me: I'm embarrassed already. K, got to take a shower and get to that thing I am lucky to have: WORK.

Uncy: Hear ya. Gotta work myself.

me: Later then. Be Ready to make your acceptance speech- on the back porch.


(Now you know what you're in for if you vote for me. It could be an interesting and productive 4-8 years!)

Now for some real news: I was listening to Denver Progressive Talk Radio on the way home from my orthodontist appointment yesterday and heard Randi Rhodes talking with former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman, the Democrat who served his state for 26 years in a variety of elected roles and was imprisoned by the Republican Bush Administration. He suggested people visit This is serious business:

"Urge Congress to Find Rove in Contempt.
"Recently, the House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Karl Rove, demanding his testimony about his own role in the politicization of the Department of Justice and politically motivated prosecutions of Democratic leaders, including me.
"Karl Rove refused to even show up for the hearing, claiming that Congress has no power to compel senior White House officials to testify. That's outrageous. Yet again, Karl Rove has showed his callous disregard for the law and for Congress' constitutional role as a co-equal branch of government.
"It's time for Congress to act: Forward an email to your Member of Congress below, urging him or her to support a contempt resolution against Karl Rove. If Karl Rove won't respond to a legitimate Congressional subpoena, it's time to turn up the heat." (from the home page)

Is this nation built on a Constitution, or the whims of those we allow power?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Jhon THe Fisherman

Para mi hermanO (by request) y Orlando (who loves the Primus- oh yow)

Now It's Politics

I'm sad to remove the links to Keith Goodenough's and Mark Gordon's websites from this blog. Neither of them moved beyond the primaries in Wyoming on the 19th. Sorry, guys. Keith was only about 300 votes shy of beating out Nick Carter. Small state, small population, small numbers make a big difference. As for Gordon, I'd much rather see him than Cynthia Lummis (in fear of the possibility of Cubin Cloning) represent Wyoming as our lone Representative in the US House. And let's face it: despite Gary Trauner's credentials and personality, the big R wins in this state over the big D.

Which brings me to the Democratic National Convention, of which I needn't speak, since it's plastered all over the place in the electronic media. Even the BBC. All these people seem poised, in other parts of the world, to watch the United States of America finally walk outside the lines and hire someone besides some old- or aging- white guy- to represent their interests, and yet here we have increasing gaps between McCain and Obama in the polls, with Obama slipping. C'mon, American People, wake the hell up! (Or don't, and maybe I will be forced into embarrassed exile.)

OK, OK, I just spent about 20 minutes or something like that ranting and raving about McCain no longer being a man of principle (and my sadness about that, too) and hesitant Hillary supporters needing to drop their self-righteous pissed-offed-ness and think of Everyone for a change, and... and subsequently was thankful for the "Backspace" button and its capability to delete rapidly. I mean, after all, this is America, the Land of Opportunity, and I shouldn't deny anyone the opportunity to vote like a complete imbecile on November 4, if they choose to go out and vote. Who am I to impart my opinion on the masses? Hell, I might be elected President of this country someday, maybe even this year, and God Himself forbid that I present any sort of sense of moral or ethical principles before, during or even after my stint.

On that note, before collapsing into Dreamland, I would like to point out that there exists here on this blog, an ad for the Barrasso ("Barrasso Vows to Protect Ranchers from Wolves"- because wolves target ranchers like some people target chocolate-) campaign. Go figure. That's making me laugh until I pee my pants almost as much as Tropic Thunder did last night.

It's good to be alive and in the mood to laugh.

This One's for the Queen.

There will be no politics in this post, unless you craftily impose them somehow.

Scutabaga is back! (Hermano, I placed Jaeger on the list for Yellowstone.) I am sitting at my own kitchen table writing this post with my own laptop computer! There is something very comforting about this fact; however, I admit that although a lot of e-mail piled up during the spaces between days that I went to the library on campus in the morning before work over the past couple weeks, I didn't miss having Scutabaga around as much as I felt some degree of angst over whether and when I would get the thing back, and in what condition. And I didn't feel terribly disconnected from the world out there.

What really makes me happy, and UberModern and like a Real Person, is having a brand new refrigerator-freezer in my kitchen as well, here at my right hand, sort of like Jesus at the right hand of God, waiting to do the next Important Trick- in this case, produce a crisp green pepper for lunch or a cold carton of milk for my morning cereal, or house constantly incoming bags of frozen meatballs and chicken alfredo the Judge picks up at Wally World. I had not realized, until I had this appliance at my disposal, how much I had suffered with an icebox that steadily filled with frost crystals so that there was no room for anything but, as my landlord so aptly noted, "a pack of cigarettes" -odd, from one nonsmoker to another, but accurate to a degree- and a crisper that didn't crisp, but blackened instead, the various vegetables I attempted to keep in it.

So, there you have it; I have truly entered the modern world. Here I am; vote for me!

No more politics, I promise.
Just one more thing: I thought I would pee my pants at Tropic Thunder last night. The FFM and I returned from Roberto's y Nanners's wedding at Columbine Cabins in northern Colorado (highly recommended by myself, for a long weekend away, at, in time to attend this film which I had been awaiting for weeks. And it performed to expectation. I will not spoil the movie for anyone who has not yet gone to see it, but I will warn you that if you are one of those people who adheres to Political Correctness and of your own discomfort and guilt cannot acknowledge the value of playing up stereotypes for society to see en masse, then you just won't get it. Unfortunately.
I am off to prep for a job interview. That's right; soon I may be changing my profile to another degree of employment. Wish me luck...

Friday, August 15, 2008

Passenger - Wicked Man's Rest

I am in love with this song, every single bit, including the dirty smelly rubberheaded monkey. How long has it been? The FFM could kick my arse for busting on chick singers who breathe and don't belt it out, while swooning over this guy's voice? But it's all just so right.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

National Underwear Day

I missed National Underwear Day, on August 8! But a couple days later, I sort of celebrated. We were in Staples, me hoping to get Scutabaga fixed, and the FFM saw in the checkout lane a display of those little eyeglasses repair kits. He asked, "Do you need an eyewear repair kit?" I said, "No, I don't need an underwear repair kit; I have some new ones coming from Hanes that I just ordered."
What's in your Underwear Repair Kit?

Do you know how difficult it is to find free downloadable pics of underwear online? Go here and enjoy some cartoons instead:

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Self-Imposed Hiatus

I paid the Idiot Fee for buying a new computer I just didn't totally trust (Acer) -but then I don't trust anyone much when I fork over that much money at once- that now is on the way to Texas for repair, for both a hardware and a software problem, apparently. The Idiot Fee refers to my shipping cost. Acer has said that return shipping is covered, per warranty. Does that make it a Half Warranty?

Anyway, this situation of course severely limits my computer time. I'll be back when Acer sees fit to fix and return the currently useless laptop I paid hundreds of dollars to have in my possession functioning. Who wants to bet on how long that will take?

God bless "Made in America," huh.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

How Many TVs Are in Your Home?

Survey results:

1 :16% (404 votes)
2:29% (719 votes)
3:26% (649 votes)
4 or more:29% (720 votes)
None:1% (24 votes)
Total votes: 2516

That's from a question I just answered at Women' Barry calls one of the FFM's magazines Men's Illness. Now, I'm not suggesting it's an illness to have more than one TV in a person's home. Lots of celebrities do, for instance. I know because I read about this in the tabloids and the online entertainment news. Probably most of these people's TVs are hand-me-downs, right? Like mine? I mean, with so many jobs disappearing in the country all the time, right? And with nobody having a job in the family, everybody must have something else to occupy his or her time, right? And it's not like in the olden days when I was a kid and the whole family sat down and watched the same sitcom and laughed together. Nowadays kids should be more and more building their own independent spirits in the home because they're going to go out on their own far away from the rest of the relations anyway, strike out on their own life journeys, and those are going to take place at computer screens, not with other live people, right? So their own TVs are like practice.

I feel better now. Forget I ever wrote this.

Friday, August 8, 2008

It's Hard Like Mexico

I've had immigration on my mind since last night. Well, I've had the subject in the forefront of my thoughts more often than just the past several hours; it's a complex issue and I go crazy when I hear people mince it down into simple statements like, "Those people need to go. They come here and use our schools and hospitals and..." blah blah blah. Think a little harder, huh?

But, I got an e-mail from the Goodenough for Senate campaign (dicey name to have in a political campaign), and I went to Keith's website and clicked on that particular issue and found the talking points not as specific as I would like to see. So, I checked out rival Nick Carter's site, and then others in Wyoming running for office, and what I learned was that I had a list of links for you, the reader, though I know a bunch, if not most, of you aren't even Wyoming residents.

So, they are here for your perusal. Nick Carter and Keith Goodenough are facing off as Dems to run for US Senate vs. Republican John Barasso. I haven't put any links to Barasso in this blog because he doesn't get any positive press from me. He is a doctor who proved, during the Rainbow Family v. Boy Scout fiasco earlier this summer here in Wyoming, that he ascribes to the Hypocritcal, rather than the Hippocratic, Oath.

Chris Rothfuss, with whom I have had the pleasure of speaking recently at Putin's coffee shop downtown, is squaring off against "Big Al" Hamburg, who is labeled all over the place as the "perennial candidate" and for whom I did not find, and did not expect to find, a website. Too bad because you know I love a wig candidate; however, you can find info about him plastered on the web if you plug in a search. These two Dems want to beat Mike Enzi for a US Senate seat. Mr. Enzi has been in Washington for a while. Not that I am necessarily biased against Republicans (I was registered as one once), but I don't like his politics, so he, too, will not get positive press from me here. (Not that he gives a rat's arse.)

Finally, Gary Trauner, a Dem who ran last time around against Babs Cubin, that Republican who ostensibly represents us all here in Wyoming in the one seat we have in the US House, is running again, against Republican Mark Gordon. Now, I will place Mr. Gordon's website here in my links because Tony "Hawk" is a big fan of him, and after raking this candidate over the coals for quite a while one evening at Crapitude (much to Stevil's delight), I found that he actually has some relatively informed and potentially reasonable points of view on at least some issues. OK, I can't recall them specifically, but he did come across as a somewhat normal human being who cares about his family. However, I lost him when I began to ask serious questions about the issue of Education in this country, specifically in relation to Our Children as Our Future, and he lost me pretty much right then and there.
Still, we all have our own decisions to make, so here are the links to the various Wyoming candidates' websites and blogs, attached in the sidebar. Use them, please.
What do you think about the immigration issue, anyway?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Don't Get Me Wrong

Kids are cool. They can be. I was one once. (Actually, I remember distinctly feeling uncool as a kid, but that doesn't matter now.) I was even a cute baby. I can't prove it here because I don't have a scanner to scan an ancient faded black-and-white of my mug and upload it, but I was. I swear. Even when I had that walnut-sized tumor on my cheek that when removed caused the crooked grin that makes me so lopsidedly fetching-looking even today, years later.

All my friends out there who have kids, including those of you who have not yet busted me on the Gerber Baby Rant, I love your kids. Look, who plays with them endlessly until you want to send her adult-sized ass but child-sized demeanor to take a nap? That's me. Just because I never had kids doesn't mean I don't like them. I like them all the better because of it.

I solemnly promise here and now that when I am in Aubergine House, I will continue the fabulous Easter Egg Hunt on the Lawn tradition. Aw, don't say it now; wait until it happens: Thanks, Easter Bunny. Pock, pock!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Team China!

Wednesday, Aug 6, 2008 12:13 am EDT
China revokes visa of gold medalist, Darfur activist Cheek
By Chris Chase

Olympic gold medalist and outspoken Darfur activist Joey Cheek has had his visa revoked by the Chinese embassy, hours before the speedskating champion was set to fly to China. And he wasn't even planning on wearing a mask when he got there.
Chinese officials don't need a reason to revoke anyone's visa but, in their eyes, they had plenty of reasons to snatch Cheek's. He is the founder of Team Darfur, a group of 70 athletes whose goal it is to raise global awareness of the human-rights violations taking part in the Darfur region of Sudan. China's military, economic and diplomatic ties to Sudan have been well-publicized in the lead-up to the Games.
Said Cheek of his ban in a prepared statement:
"I am saddened not to be able to attend the Games. The Olympic Games represent something powerful: that people can come together from around the world and do things that no one thought were possible. However, the denial of my visa is a part of a systemic effort by the Chinese government to coerce and threaten athletes who are speaking out on behalf of the innocent people of Darfur.
Cheek was going to China to support the athletes on Team Darfur -- including soccer player Abby Wambach -- and to promote the cause, one that he has championed for years. After winning gold in the Torino Games, Cheek announced he was donating his $25,000 USOC bonus to Darfur and implored his sponsors to do the same. It seems that Joey Cheek is truly one of the good guys.
And now he's out of China before he even got there. With the Games getting closer (just two days away now), the world seemed ready to forget about all the Chinese issues in order to focus on the Games themselves. Unfortunately, China's actions make that impossible. In a time when we should be wondering who will light the Olympic cauldron, whether Michael Phelps can break an all-time record and how Liu Xiang will react to the pressure of 1.3 billion of his countrymen hanging on his every step, we're instead left to discuss the Chinese government's reluctance to allow any dissension in their country, despite repeated promises that they'd clean up their act when the Olympics came to town.
Photo via Getty Images

Perfect. China takes the attention away from Darfur and places it squarely upon China. There hasn't been enough already this Summer Olympic season. Right, there are sports scheduled to happen pretty soon there. A whole bunch of people from all over the world will convene to compete for gold, silver and bronze medals for exhibiting their athletic prowess. I know; this has been scarcely reported, but it's a little gem of fact.

Look for athletes from Team China to arrive in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Olympics to make noise. They should be present and visible, barring denial of visas by the oppressive Canadian government.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Ah, Crap! (Or, It's Driving Me Nuts!)

I fall in love, with this song, and I try several times to upload it here so you can all see and hear the magnitude of its beauty, and it's not even opera, and it just isn't working. Something isn't going right between Blogspot and YouTube. Watch me get up tomorrow morning to find the video plastered on this site something like sixteen times...

And in the meantime, I sign on and go to the Dashboard, and there are baby pictures everywhere. Apparently babies are the latest thrill in the world of blogging. People, babies exist. Babies aren't going away. We all were babies once. Some of us were cute; some of us were ugly as sin. This has not changed. I was just reporting to several friends the other day that I check the rolling list of blogs provided here every once in a while and that for the most part they are crap. The family photo album is for baby pictures. Or is it too late for that? Do those no longer exist? Is your kid really so much more important than the kid down the road that he or she should have a special little blog before he or she can speak, let alone use a keyboard to look himself or herself up in cyberspace? And if so, then why do the rest of us have to look?

The Gerber Baby is special. My ex-husband's prep school friend Sam... I met him at a wedding once, maybe his own wedding... His grandfather was the Gerber Baby. Now that is special. If I am wrong, I retract whatever inaccuracy I have spoken here, willingly. I think my memory actually serves in this instance. Someone... Dave...? Tell me if I'm wrong about the facts. About the point, certainly not. If everyone goes around showing their kids' pictures all over the internet, then what is so special anymore about the Gerber Baby, or about movie stars, for that matter? Everyone's a movie star before being able to say "movie star," say nothing about being able to stay awake all the way through Bambi.

If I wake up tomorrow morning and sign on to find a slew of video uploads of Passenger's "Wicked Man's Rest," I will be far happier than I was signing on tonight to a bunch of pasty faced fake bunnies in fuzzy sleeper sets. I'll be happy anyway; I have a fridge again and can eat Cinnamon Crunch with chilly milk.

How about that Montauk Monster? (I figure that's got to be good for some points. Even better: Do you suppose the MONTAUK MONSTER had any BABIES?)