Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Barbwire Massacre!


Enough politics. It's time for some fun!

While in Puerto Rico this time around, it was too early for baseball season (though a Yankees --Dad, I bet you still want to kill me for giving them up long ago when they sold their souls to the devil, but I do like to watch Derek Jeter.-- v. Twins preseason game was showing the day before I left.) It looks as though what replaces baseball on bar TV in the off season, aside from Latino soaps, is wrestling. We saw TNA (total nonstop action- as though I knew before googling)- and ads for: "Are you afraid of heights? Are you scared of falling? Over two stories high… Over two tons in mass… It is the ultimate test in TNA Wrestling!"; WWE SmackDown; and ads for Barbwire Massacre!
To the right you can see Sabu and some other Barbwire guys. You can look them up online, like I did.

Wikipedia says: A barbed wire match is one of any number of professional wrestling matches that utilizes strands of barbed wire in some capacity.

1 Types
1.1 Hardwired Match
1.2 Barbed Wire Ropes
1.3 Ropewired Match
1.4 No Rope Explosive Barbwire Deathmatch
1.5 No Rope Explosive Barbwire Steel Cage Deathmatch
1.6 No Rope Explosive Barbwire Double Hell Deathmatch
1.7 Circle of Fear
1.8 Barbed Wire Massacre
1.9 Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match
1.10 Six Sides of Steel Barbed Wire Cage Match
1.10.1 Doomsday Chamber of Blood

You know this is everything you ever wanted to know- and more!- about "professional" wrestling- the "professional" being about "professional" acting. Even the ladies get involved, thrusting their enormous boob jobs, barely encased in pushup bra tops, at each other indignantly and pulling hair. (Come on, ladies; we've evolved beyond that. I have a jacknife.) Or am I naive? Am I the only person in the USA who hadn't until about a week and a half ago seen the efficiency of barbwire fencing chewing large men in multicolored Speedos bearing bulldogs or flames on their asses, and shiny soft PVC boots, so that they convulse semi-convincingly and spurt fake blood out of their mouths? If so, it's a good thing I took the money and time to go check that scene out; every President ought to know her audience.