Schools prohibit anti-hate banners- p.s. language unfit for people who can't hack the f-word

"No Place for Hate" banners removed from schools - Wyoming Tribune Eagle Online

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It's not just that I am suddenly realizing things like I am too old to cry when I am yelled at, and I am reaching the halfway mark. Shite like this is enough to make even formerly optimistic little me throw off my rosy-colored glasses and stomp them to pieces until the broken glass makes me bleed to death bef0re someone else breaks me up enough that I don't get the chance to do it on my own.

Fuck you, people. You are all assholes- or at least keep your goddam heads up your asses and your eyes trained on your narrow little myopic view of the world. I hope someone spits in your face someday, in much the same way that I hope to give Bill Gates the finger in person.. (Is that properly defaming? Hellz, I may as well get in on the zero-tolerance game.)

Church

It's that time of year, people, when I get really maudlin. You know, wistful and thinking about where I have been in life and where I might be going- or not- and then wondering sort of what it matters anyway and am I pleased enough where I am right now that if someone hit me in the face with an axe tomorrow, I would be OK with croaking?

I guess I am not alone. I went to see the Judge yesterday, and he was reclining in his recliner thinking pretty much the same- although with 50 more years than I behind him. And the FFM told me later on that Ebony had been "ruminating," to use the Judge's word, over similar, on the realization that she has been in LA now for two years.

So, she went to church to sing. I love to go to church to sing, too, and don't do it often enough probably, so bless you, girl, for getting up on a Sunday and doing it.

Instead, I went to the senior center here in town and helped serve brunch from 10:30-12:30. That's like my church, I told the FFM. And it is. I felt about 7K times better when I got there and started doing the community service thing. Yeah, I mean that I do that because I enjoy it, and I had been missing that element of civic life and feeling pretty selfish.

I read an article last week about the Student Senate here at UWYo voting against making community service a requirement. Yay! Jerbus, life is not necessarily a prison. Just get out and try helping other people on a regular basis because you want to. You may be pleasantly surprised. And for those of you who believe in karma, hell, it can only do you good.

p.s. I might have scammed the photo here. I think I am supposed to pay for it, but hey, it's no larger here than it is on the search site, so thanks, whoever.

Son of a Witch; Why Am I Up So Early?

I woke up this morning, way early even though the FFM wasn't even here, but that's a good thing because I fell asleep reading my homework last night... anyway, thinking about aging. I don't know quite how it happened, but I think it started with my realization that I just really don't, apparently, require 8 hours of sleep to feel decent any more, as one change in my own life recently. But that I definitely need TIME to get around in the morning. I used to be able to jump out of bed at 5AM and shower and do little household things and be at work by 6. This week I'm having trouble getting used to the fact again that I have to be in a classroom AT 9AM or I'm being a jerk walking in late and interrupting other people's education, including my own. At first, when I started to become resentful of having to be in a classroom to teach at 8:30, I thought it was a growing natural urge to not do what people want me to do. Now I think really my body doesn't want me to do it, too.

Then I thought about how Greg was in a lot of pain yesterday with rheumatoid arthritis, using a cane to walk, and how I called him "old man" even though he's not that much older than I am, and in fact should be healthier now that he's quit smoking and has kept his weight down, and that you just never know.

And that made me think about how I've put on an extra few pounds over the past several months and would like to lose about 5 of it, but there is no way I'm going to get to the gym to start running again this week. But that's OK because I am aware and have a plan and have started to work on it, being more careful about what- and how much- I eat (except last night at potluck because there was a giant amazing feast laid out before me and colorful Fiestaware plates on which to put it.)

And then I had this moment of realization: We extroverts receive our connection to the world mostly through the environment outside ourselves, and that input and feedback is really meaningful in how we establish who we are in the wider milieu. So, it makes a big difference whether someone says, "Well, remember you are getting older so your metabolism is slowing down" (as the FFM did, graciously, when I brought up the extra pounds, or, "Wow, you're getting pretty chubby," similar words I have heard in reference to myself and which are not helpful, frankly.)

I used to think there was something wrong with me that I am so sensitive to and affected by the things people do and say around and to me, but really that's just the way I process the world, and it's fine. Just like you people who pretend shite doesn't bug you because other people's words and actions don't matter- because you're tough and independent. (Maybe you're just introverts, and that's fine, too.)

I've been told I am "too sensitive." I've also been told I am "highly sensitive" and an "ESP" (Extra Sensitive Person; yeah, that's a label you can find in some of those new age self-development books.) While that's a matter of perspective, you can see who says what is going to either turn me off or piss me off, or make me feel like the other person actually understands me. Big difference.

So, why did I just blab all that? I don't know; maybe I didn't get enough sleep after all, and maybe getting up earlier isn't going to suit me, now that I'm older.

Anyway, thanks, FFM, for not being a dick about those few extra pounds I'm carrying, and for all of you out there, I'm letting you know it's still going to drive me nuts that people don't behave the way I, um, would like them to, by being what I consider kinder to each other. I have yet to learn the lesson of disappointment.

On that note, I'll follow this up with a quote from Gregory MaGuire's Son of a Witch tomorrow, that I read to Barry and the FFM this weekend. If you have not read any of this man's books, check them out. I love him! But now, off to school.